RandomJodie’s Blog

‘So we move, We change by the speed of the choices that we make, And the barriers are all self made, Thats so retrograde’

We meet again Blog World…

I have been trying for some weeks now to commit to the ‘regular’ sleeping pattern of bed by midnight, up around 8am or 9am… But it only took about three days of my old cycle to kick me back into the routine of bed by 2am or 3am, up around 8am or 9am..

I used to be awful and staying up all night online every night and falling asleep around 5am and getting up at 7am.. Everyday. On the days i had to open the bakery at 5.30am (so had to be up at 4.30) i still thought 2am was an acceptable bed time and my brain wouldnt swtich off till 3am anyway. I just cannot seem to make my brain stop. Lately i have been fairly tired because its been a busy couple of days but even when i have the chance to sleep i just cant. I toss and turn and my mind is just saying ‘hello.. im awake.. lets talk.. so uh.. bet your pretty tired hey? well tough your not sleeping… just stare at the roof and listen to the mouse.. funsies…’. Its worst the nights before i have to work… Even the other night i was exhausted but when Jen fell asleep i got up and watched a movie then went to bed at like 3am or 4am..

So here i am.. ironically reading Insomnia by Stephen King which so far is just reminding me that not sleeping sucks and every now and then refreshing facebook to see whats happening. I considered a cup of tea but i cant be bothered. I am not hungry or thirsty, energized or lethargic, tired or refreshed… i am just… awake.

About a month or two ago i went to a doctor to figure out why i was so worn down.. All it took was a conversation on my lifestyle at the time and it was pretty self explanatory… It went like this… Bed by 3am, opening the bakery at 5.30am, finishing at 9am, starting uni at 9am and finishing uni at 10pm, then coming home and sitting on the computer till 2am and starting the cycle again. Add to that the fact that i was in my old habit of only eating a full meal once every three days and then on the other days replacing meal times with energy drinks or coffee… well Doctor Lady was unimpressed. She said i had to eat then she mentioned words like ‘hospital’ ‘commited’ and i realised i had to eat more. Even though i am so rarely hungry i now eat daily and i have no issue with it except its boring, it wastes money and i know full well i function without that much..

Oh well. I fell asleep on the couch for like 15minutes tonight and woke up too warm and then its like a button went off and i was wide awake. If i had milk and cream i would cook a potato bake right now for tomorrows lunch but i dont and the shops are shut. I cook very well after midnight.. some of my best meals were made and stored between midnight and 3am. I kind of miss the days i would close my eyes at 5am, open them at 7am and pour vodka into my juice (never on a day i had work but i went like 2 months over Christmas unemployed except for the odd concert or Suncorp game.. so what i got very drunk very often) and then i would spend the days online and such.

I am falling into a rut i think.Workwise i mean. I need a proper job and to be back on show full time. I need to be doing something because there is nothing worse then looking at the week and having like.. four days in a row where you are doing NOTHING.. like not a single thing at all. Just sitting around. Its not so bad lately cos i have Jen to occupy me but she has days where she has shit to do and then i go.. so what am i going to do ALL day.. and there is nothing.. God i HATE being bored or without a daily goal.

The book is currently lacking in interest, I have watched all the dvds, the telly got boring, and no one is online.. sigh.

Sorry for the mental dribble and terrible punctuation associated with this post. I would fix it up but i am not going to.

Thanks for reading

Bye Blog Land…

‘So maybe it gets quiet
And maybe it gets numb
At least then there’s still something
To share with someone’