You’ll have no one left to love.
Ok so… its a bullet point day.
- Everyone has times of not being able to get along with their families. Today was a fairly typical day in my household. It went like this. Dad gets up with Kelsey and Blake. I get up. Kids get ready for school. Washing gets done. Cleaning up kitchen from breakfast chaos done. Kelsey nap, Imogen constant feed. Mum goes crazy cos she wants to leave the house. Go pick up kids from school. Start dinner. Babies to bed. Kids to bed. Grown ups chatting time. Bed.At some point in this my mum loses her temper, starts yelling at dad/closest child. Dad yells at me/says i dont help enough. Kids get yelled at. Kelsey cries. Everyone loses it. Its a nightmare.I’ve realised… i never say a word when mum goes off her head. And i mean she proper goes off, she calls everyone the worst names you could think of, throws stuff, slams doors, smacks kids etc etc. Its clearly just anger at feeling trapped and her emotional outlet comes in bursts of rage but when she is being this way the whole house is so affected in the following ways…
- Mum starts yelling.
- Dad will lose it. Start shouting.
- Genie starts texting her friends, blaming Blake for not cleaning.
- Blake walks around silent but with a face like thunder.
- Kelsey cries and follows mum around saying sorry.
- I silently start cleaning/dinner/bathing children etc..
- Thats how it goes. Its really shit sometimes.
- I dislike people who get into moods and tantrums instantly just because something isnt going their way. I’ve really realised that i cant deal with it as much these days. Its not fair on anyone else when one person gets moody and pissy for no good reason. Just because they can and know you will react by caring/doing what they want/ paying extra attention. Stupid.
- New topic! There was a wasp situation in the house today. WASPS. yuck.
- On another note. Everyone in the shops today thought Imogen was my baby. Now i can understand this since she is only 8 days old and i was holding her (although DEVASTATED that i look like i just had a child) but i draw the line when people see Kelsey and say ‘oh is she yours too?’… No. No she isnt. Thanks.
- Different subject. This is gonna sound stupid but i am really bad at communicating when i feel like its a chore. I am more then happy to sit online chatting and sending update emails on life in general etc.. but i cant stand it when i send an email and get the reply that its not personal enough, im not trying enough, i clearly dont care and its unfair on other person. It makes me feel like im pressured to write a super nice, in depth email about my thoughts, feelings, dreams etc. Well you know what? I dont want to talk about my deepest feelings every day, or to be all emotional in every word i write. I am fairly tired/busy and a bit stretched for time some days and i would like to just be able to send a normal email, have a bit of a laugh, get an update etc, and not be criticised for it. Thanks.
- Its my own fault im feeling that way, i know it is. I know how it feels to be on that end of it and you just want to know whats happening in someones head, and they hardly tell you, they just say funny things that happened that day. But i just dont want to feel like i HAVE to write a certain way.
- My head is all muddled. So many thoughts. Everything is just getting on my nerves and im tired. Im going to bed now. I really would like to see myself in 5 years just to see how everything turns out. I’ll hopefully be living on a cruise ship, working as a tech, only making contact with land every few months.I’ll be alone, not overweight but probably an alcoholic. Lets face it. Thats my dream.
- God. I am a really bad person. Like really. I always tell myself i’ve changed. But lets face it. It appears i haven’t.
Goodnight.
