Ok it’s been awhile.. Here’s the update..

I am on the coast till tomorrow, then in about 5 days i am leaving for London..

Shit just got real.

I am suddenly quickly running out of time and i feel like i haven’t organised anything.. I mean, i have somewhere to stay for the first two weeks, i have my plane ticket and passport, some basic clothes.. i may need some more and i need some stuff like a bag to put my bathroom shit in, some new black pants, a black button up shirt, and maybe a dress… i really want a nice dress.. but other then that i think im just gonna take some clothes, some money, and see how i go

I will hopefully get some clothes over there, go to some nice places..etc.

Right now i am really quickly realising how little time i actually have.. when i think about it i get that quiet tightening of the chest feeling you get when your are about to stress, i havent actually let myself stress out but i’m expecting one panic attack to hit in the next four days, probably when i’m packing or have to change money or something.

So basically that’s all that’s going on, i have been on the coast for two weeks looking after Kelsey, doing laundry and making dinner for the family while mum is away… I am so glad i am finished this business tomorrow…

I am having going away drinks this Sunday night, should be fun and its going to be interesting because a whole bunch of people i have never put in the same room will be coming together.. it’s either gonna get awkward or be ok.. I’m hoping for the ‘be ok’…

I havent really lost any weight, maybe a tiny bit because i havent left the house so had no opportunity to eat crap, but dad and i enjoy two or so quiet jim beam and cokes each night.. so that hasnt helped..

Ummmm what else? I still get to have my head shot taken for our end of year showcase/grad we have at the theatre… my headshot is getting taken at 10am the morning i leave for London so i am expecting either a super excited or super stressed picture to be had…

I am not sure what else to say, i am feeling ok with the packing thing, because all my stuff is still at my house but there isn’t much rubbish around and i cleared out under the bed, all my drawers, the cupboard etc.. i also removed any ‘naughty’ things i had in my possesion in case it’s family members who have to pack my furniture away when i don’t come back… yes i know it doesnt make sense to leave everything there and not pack but mum is still expecting me to return so i can’t really put all my stuff in storage without her being annoyed…

I am really looking forward to going away… It is going to be such an adventure. Ok i have nothing else to say.. i am feeling a little frazzled right now and i am sick to death of bickering kids, screaming babies, doing laundry for four people a day, cooking dinner etc… And i am just looking forward to being young again.. I am not ready to be a mum…

I am sorry that this blog is not in any order, has bad punctuation, is not really about anything… etc… but there is a screaming baby that i just cannot handle right now so i am officially over it..

London here i come..

Happy Ending – Mika

This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it’s forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life, Can’t get no love without sacrifice. If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well. A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell.

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told. No hope, or love, or glory .Happy endings gone forever more I feel as if I’m wasted. And I’m wastin’ every day

This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it’s forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together.

2 o’clock in the morning, something’s on my mind. Can’t get no rest; keep walkin’ around If I pretend that nothin’ ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told No hope, or love, or glory Happy endings gone forever more I feel as if I’m wasted And I’m wastin’ every day

This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it’s forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love Little bit of love, little bit of love

I feel as if I’m wasted And I waste everyday This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love, Like it’s forever. To live the rest of our life, But not together.

I know i’m the one leaving but this is how it feels… Right now Jen is fast asleep in my bed and i think i might cry. I know its all my own choice but it sure as hell isn’t easy.

Goddamn it.

Ok here goes..

This weekend just past i worked at Splendour. I am now going to list the events of what happened.

I got home from Cats on Thursday night, about 11.30 and was already so tired, but had to pack for Splendour which i only finished doing at about 1.30 in the morning. I got up at 7.30 to pack the car with Jon, then went and had breakfast at uni, met up with Jon and Annie at 11.30 and we drove down to Byron. We got there in the afternoon, figured out where we were camping and went and set up. We then looked around a bit and Jon had to work at like 6pm.

It started pissing down rain when Jon had to go to work and we were cold so Annie and I confined ourselves to our tents, I read a book till about 9pm and then tried to get some sleep. It was pouring, I was freezing, The ground was hard and cold, people were yelling and fireworks going off… So barely any sleep had on Friday night.

We got up at 7am on Saturday, had nutella toast and got dressed and went to our work meeting/ debrief at 9am. Started work at 10am on the Mix Up stage, looking for fires, letting bands on and off (every time i checked their access pass they seemed so offended, like i should know who they are…i didn’t..) and telling important people and other bands they weren’t allowed into the viewing area on the stage because we could only safely have 25 or that section would fall down.. structural limits and capacites and shit. This did not make Annie or I popular with a lot of diva like artists. So we started at 10am and in the afternoon each got a short 20 minute or so break, which i used to run back to my tent and get my big warm jacket. The day continued, there was no sitting down or leaning against anything allowed because we had to look ‘professional’ and gum boots are not friends to your feet for a lot of standing. Once it got dark it was a bit more dramatic with all the calls we heard over our headsets of people passed out, overdosing in the toilets, throwing up and falling down, jumping the fences and running, stealing stuff, being crushed in our mosh pit, and generally showing off every aspect of human stupidity. My favorite for the evening though… when a guy came up the stage stairs to me and said ‘there is two people having sex out the back’… Ok so firstly i wondered how the patrons had gotten through the fence to our restricted area, and secondly.. what the hell were they doing that there for in plain site and in the area where every security and police patrol is walking through.. But anyway sure enough i looked out the back near the excess equipment and on the ground is two drunk people quite unaware everyone could see them, there were legs in the air and serious motion going on, it was terrible. So i went and got Dan our security supervisor and pretty much personal body guard and he came round, walked over and told them to get up, which they did awkwardly and he marched them back through the fence.. the classy girl picked up her undies and walked through with them in her hand, laughing and pulling her tiny skirt down. Disgusting…but it was also a little funny.

So our main band for the night was Midnight Juggernauts, then another band or two played after that, which meant we finished at about 1am that night, got back to sign off, walked back to our tent and Annie and I just crashed in our tents straight away, i slept until 7.30 in the morning without waking up once or feeling cold or uncomfortable or anything.

So Annie went to shower, and she had to wait forever because the lines were huge. I was feeling pretty grubby but due to the extreme cold, my lack of thongs and not much time to wait in a line.. Jon emptied a bottle of water into a pot, heated it up, and i used it to wash my hair behind my tent. Dirty appearance… fixed.

Ok so we started at 10am again, this time i was doing the same job except i was asked to also walk around the stage through the crowds and check people for fires, smoking in the mosh pit, people passed out against the fence etc. I continued circling all day, asking people if they needed a medic, could they stand up, had they taken anything.. all the fun questions you ask bleary eyed drunk and drugged up idiots lying on the ground. At 5pm i got 15minutes to eat and sit, which i used to eat a bag of little biscuits and drink a V, then i was back to it, going up on stage to help Annie with the 25 people limit again, walking around the crowds getting water to girls and guys on the ground, stopping any sort of ‘lets make a fire’ fun ideas anyone had in the cold.. etc. When 9pm came and Hilltop Hoods started to play i slipped back through the fence because there was no way i was going to be in the festival grounds with that huge crowd, so i went back up on stage and stood yelling to people they couldnt come in with Annie and then once the band finished i went back out and checked the new set of ‘about to pass out’ people were still breathing. By this stage my feet were actually so sore from the hard ground and lack of sitting that i was nearly having trouble walking. At 10.30pm Annie and I were allowed to walk back to Sign On. We got back to our tent at about quarter to 11 and Jon informed us we couldnt get the car out till midnight and he was going to sleep for half an hour more before we packed up and drove back. Annie and i sorted most of our stuff to the outside of our tents, i sat in mine waiting for midnight to come and chatting, because it was cold and our bodies were cooling down from lack of moving, our leg muscles were twitching and our feet were cramping. At 11.45pm i told Annie i wasnt going to sleep but i was lying down to rest my feet… I woke up 20 minutes later, Jon had got the car and we were packing.. i hadnt heard a thing cos i had just been dead to the world for that time. We packed up and drove out the gate at 1am, got back home at 3am, showered and got organised and i fell asleep after 4am. I have just woken up and my body is aching and reminding me it has eaten hardly anything, done too much standing and walking, and my feet never want to be stood on again.

All in all though.. even though it may not seem it… it was actually really quite fun because we got to be on stage, met all these bands and got to laugh and look down on all the idiots around the place. The long hours were good because we had nothing to do at our tent anyway and apart from the extreme physically exhaustion and the cold it all went quite well. Plus.. i got paid to watch and meet all those bands and when i was walking around the crowds i had friendly but giant and tough security watching  so i was never in any danger. Also i met and made friends with some cool audio guys and i had a good time.

I would never go to Splendour unless i was being paid, i certainly wouldnt pay to go there… The bands and the markets and everything are really good, there is plenty of camping ground and stuff to do.. but the crowds are too huge and there is too many stupid people doing even stupider things and anyone who could get close enough to see their favorite bands ended up getting quite crushed.. plus the cold anf rain and mud hindered everything and at night, if i wasnt a member of the event and security team, having security assistance near me and available in a second if i used my radio, then i would of worried about my safety. Luckily though there was no major drama and every time some drunk idiot guys started hassling me i was back over the barrier and in front of the stage with the guards before they could trouble me.

Ok thats all now.

The End.

Hey Everyone,

Ok so Update:

I have booked and paid for my tickets to London, I leave on the 19th of August, start working on Dirty Dancing on the 24th of August and if i dislike it and don’t get a job then i have a return ticket for the 20th of September. If i do get a job or love it then i will just change the date of that return to much later time.

Its a bittersweet time. I am so excited, like unbelievably because i have always wanted to do this and have been working towards this for so long. But it is the end of many things if i get a job there and thats going to be really tough. But i guess this is just something i have to do, it feels so necessary. I have always wanted to go and right now i am unhappy with my job situation and this is a chance of a lifetime. Working on Dirty Dancing is going to be amazing.

So i have about a week and a half with not much to do right now, then on the 20th of July i start a show at La Boite, then i go work on Splendour, then i go back to the La Boite show, then i go to the Sunshine Coast to look after Kelsey for two weeks whilst mum is away (getting paid for it woot) and then 4 days later i fly to London. Busy Busy.

Jen and I have had a long talk. Right now we are just enjoying all the time we have together. Its running out too soon. I don’t know if i will be ready when the time to say goodbye comes. But this is something i have to do alone and as much as its a sad decision and its purely based on circumstances and has nothing to do with how much i love Jen or how perfect we are together… it is something i have planned for 3 years and i just have to do it and i have to do it by myself. It isnt fair for me to be hoping i get a job and figuring out how to stay in London, with Jen waiting here to see if i come back, to organise what she wants to do around it, it’s just unfair on her. Plus i want to say goodbye in person and not over the phone if i dont come back.

Anyway thats all i have to say on that. I currently have a stomach ache, i reckon i got food poisoning at work today. I am working at Suncorp Stadium tomorrow and i think it will be so boring. But yay for more money, cos i am relying a fair bit on my parents for money for London.

Ok then,

Night All

xxx

I have said it before but here it is in writing…

I love you Jen.

I love you because you lean over to hug me on the couch all the time.

I love you because your always pinching my arm.

I love you because you make me laugh.

I love you because your always pretty even when you have a cold.

I love you because you like cleaning and accept i hate it.

I love you because we both like chocolate so much.

I love you because of our mutual love of yogos with choc chip.

I love you because cooking for you makes me happy.

I love you because you will make me nachos when im tired when i know you hate cooking.

I love you because you fall asleep on me on the couch.

I love you because half your shit is scattered round my house.

I love you because we both like young adult fiction.

I love you because you share your nice smelling skin cream stuff.

I love you because i try to remember to hang up the bath mat.

I love you because it feels so right and comfortable to be with you.

I love you because making you happy is what makes me happy.

I love you because you snore, grind your teeth and cling to me when i am trying to sleep.

I love you because your always asleep before me but wake up when i move.

I love you because you always ask ‘what’s wrong?’ when i even move slightly, no matter what we are doing or where we are.

I love you because i love hearing ‘it pleases me greatly’ all the time.

I love you because you buy neat stickers and stamps and let me do arts and crafts stuff that you know i will also find fun.

I love you because you say that some stuff is ‘only funny when you do it’.

I love you because of the noise you make when you pretend to headbutt me.

I love you because you know ignoring me will put an end to my tantrums or attempt to annoy you.

I love you because you know we are ‘even’ if i have one more bar of chocolate then you do and that our shampoo is ‘mine’ because i said so.

I love you because you buy weird clothes and accessories and make them cool.

I love you because you sew things and make stuff look cooler by adding a little touch of you to it.

I love you because you smell wonderful.

I love you because you squeal over any animal you see, especially pugs.

I love you because you always offer to get me stuff.

I love you because you make me feel like i am the most awesome person you know.

I love you because you love me too.

I love you because i want to… not because i have to.

You are perfect to me and for me.

Love.

xxxx

]]> http://randomjodie.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/how-beautiful-you-really-are-to-me/feed/ 4 randomjodie http://randomjodie.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/glommen-time/ http://randomjodie.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/glommen-time/#comments Tue, 26 May 2009 13:49:27 +0000 randomjodie http://randomjodie.wordpress.com/?p=50 ]]>

I watched a show tonight called Golden Age tonight. It was ok… very long.. it went from 7.30 till 10.15 and i was like.. oh god my ass is numb. But yeh it was a pretty good story, very physical and a tragic story but generally ok.

I spent most of my day today retyping three scripts so they all matched in format, size etc.. it was irritating.

I have nothing interest to say lately, i went with Jen and saw Yo Gabba Gabba which kinda rocked my socks.  I also got her to watch Transformers which hello…awesome…

Jen is still wonderful as usual, she is so perfect to be around. We are so comfy together. I love having her around and we make our timetables fit pretty well. I get her a couple of nights a week so yay. I am currently watching wedding crashers and its such a funny movie.

I have a feeling im sposed to be busy tomorrow but i forget what i am supposed to be doing.. hmmm.. oh well..

I got new boots, they are awesome. I am still wanting a new jacket but the boots came first and the jacket will have to wait.

I am considering going to bed just because im bored.

Oh well i apologise for this post being really boring but not muxh has been happening.

Night All,

xx

I am currently watching Hi 5 and its pretty colourful and eye catching. Terrible songs though and they just keep replacing the members when they quit i’ve noticed. They are definitely no Wiggles.

I am on a new Production now, I will be starting Film Shoots for the third year actors next week which is ok. Its not a showrole im particulary enthusiastic about because its a film piece and i don’t know the third year actors too well plus there is sooo not going to be any crew and im going to have to beg people to work on it. Should be fine though.

I just got distracted because the girl turned the other girl into a fairy and now they are in fairy land… Awesome..

I am a touch cold. According to Jen i am a wimp when it comes to cold. So i am going to fail at living when/if i go to London.

I had a very odd sleep last night. I blame the detective book i was reading and drinking the rest of my ‘left over’ alcohols.

Did i tell everyone i got a new fish? Juniper the fighting fish. He is very lethargic and doesnt eat much so i am worried about his health. Hopefully he will hang in there. My old fish Cinnamon was much more lively and neurotic so at least he was interesting.. i keep thinking Juniper might be dead cos he hardly moves.

Anywho im gonna go put some socks on.

Talk soon all! xx

Ok Hey Everyone,

Long time no update. It is currently 2.51am and i am wide awake. I wish i could get this sleeping thing under control. Jen is currently in my room asleep and i am out here on the couch trying to make my brain shut off and i kept accidently waking her so i came out here. I have to go to work today so i really need all the sleep i can get.

My head is pounding, full of thoughts about bills and what the future holds and worries. I need sleep remedies, I really need to get this sorted and i don’t really want sleeping pills, not until i have tried everything else.

It’s cold and dark in this room. i think Jen might be waking up, i can hear her moving. i really want to sleep.

Any sleep suggestions?

The title says all. I am worn down today. I apologise for not updating for like over a week but eh.

I don’t like my job. I don’t like working at uni in a bakery where people i study with come in and order food off me and i feel like secretly they are thinking ‘after 3yrs of uni she is working in hospitality…not a surprise..’ and my self esteem just hits the ground whenever i see someone i know. Also i want to set every customer on fire, whether its the ones that pay for a $2 something with a credit card or the ones who want their stupid shitty sandwiches toasted and then get huffy when they have to wait. Blah.

Im watching hueys cooking show, he cooks an overabundance of food, like way too much. Its disgusting. He truly does have sausage fingers.

I got a fish. His name is Juniper and he is the coolest thing ever. Like seriously.

I bumped out the show i was on. We finished at 5am and it was pretty good but now i don’t know whats on next for me. I want to work somewhere other then Brisbane, I may be running away from knowing too many people in my industry because i feel useless and like they all think i am not good enough but eh i would love to work in a different state or country with techies other then these ones just the same.

I need some sort of boost. Like a tattoo or getting my ears pierced again or something that will make me feel cool again.

On a happy note.. Clean house.. probably cleaner kitchen then i have ever had since i moved in. Plus my bed is made.. I know what your thinking ’she let Jen wear her down’ maybe you werent thinking that but its what happened, i finally gave in and let her do the dishes and she blitzed the kitchen. I feel i did my part by taking the bins out and hanging up the bath mat.. but now i have washing on and incense burning and my house is cosy as. I came home from the shitty work shift and saw my pj shirt folded neatly on my made bed and thought… awww.. and was instantly in a better mood. She is the cutest thing ever.. Eventually i’ll give in and let her ‘tidy’ the house and i’ll come home to her using gumption on the roof. Its great that she loves cleaning cos i hate it so so so much. So bit by bit im getting used to her weird need to clean things and completely loving not having to do it myself.

I am waiting for the masterchef rerun to come on cos i missed it last night. I bought pressies for dad and blakes bday and mothers day, best thing i got was… a SKATEBOARD… thats right.. i am giving my 9yr old brother a skateboard in the hope he becomes one of those irritating label wearing hoodlums with his boxers hanging out that bums around skate parks. Fingers crossed hey?

YAY masterchef is on now. Sweet.

FYI: i love Jen, want her around always, stress when im not there to make sure she is happy/comfy/not needing anything/safe, and i could spend hours just looking at her. She is everything i have ever looked for all rolled into one fantastic looking girl. Also we have total domestic bliss. I will cook if she cleans any night. Perfection.

Ok later peeps im watching masterchef now.

xx

‘So we move, We change by the speed of the choices that we make, And the barriers are all self made, Thats so retrograde’

We meet again Blog World…

I have been trying for some weeks now to commit to the ‘regular’ sleeping pattern of bed by midnight, up around 8am or 9am… But it only took about three days of my old cycle to kick me back into the routine of bed by 2am or 3am, up around 8am or 9am..

I used to be awful and staying up all night online every night and falling asleep around 5am and getting up at 7am.. Everyday. On the days i had to open the bakery at 5.30am (so had to be up at 4.30) i still thought 2am was an acceptable bed time and my brain wouldnt swtich off till 3am anyway. I just cannot seem to make my brain stop. Lately i have been fairly tired because its been a busy couple of days but even when i have the chance to sleep i just cant. I toss and turn and my mind is just saying ‘hello.. im awake.. lets talk.. so uh.. bet your pretty tired hey? well tough your not sleeping… just stare at the roof and listen to the mouse.. funsies…’. Its worst the nights before i have to work… Even the other night i was exhausted but when Jen fell asleep i got up and watched a movie then went to bed at like 3am or 4am..

So here i am.. ironically reading Insomnia by Stephen King which so far is just reminding me that not sleeping sucks and every now and then refreshing facebook to see whats happening. I considered a cup of tea but i cant be bothered. I am not hungry or thirsty, energized or lethargic, tired or refreshed… i am just… awake.

About a month or two ago i went to a doctor to figure out why i was so worn down.. All it took was a conversation on my lifestyle at the time and it was pretty self explanatory… It went like this… Bed by 3am, opening the bakery at 5.30am, finishing at 9am, starting uni at 9am and finishing uni at 10pm, then coming home and sitting on the computer till 2am and starting the cycle again. Add to that the fact that i was in my old habit of only eating a full meal once every three days and then on the other days replacing meal times with energy drinks or coffee… well Doctor Lady was unimpressed. She said i had to eat then she mentioned words like ‘hospital’ ‘commited’ and i realised i had to eat more. Even though i am so rarely hungry i now eat daily and i have no issue with it except its boring, it wastes money and i know full well i function without that much..

Oh well. I fell asleep on the couch for like 15minutes tonight and woke up too warm and then its like a button went off and i was wide awake. If i had milk and cream i would cook a potato bake right now for tomorrows lunch but i dont and the shops are shut. I cook very well after midnight.. some of my best meals were made and stored between midnight and 3am. I kind of miss the days i would close my eyes at 5am, open them at 7am and pour vodka into my juice (never on a day i had work but i went like 2 months over Christmas unemployed except for the odd concert or Suncorp game.. so what i got very drunk very often) and then i would spend the days online and such.

I am falling into a rut i think.Workwise i mean. I need a proper job and to be back on show full time. I need to be doing something because there is nothing worse then looking at the week and having like.. four days in a row where you are doing NOTHING.. like not a single thing at all. Just sitting around. Its not so bad lately cos i have Jen to occupy me but she has days where she has shit to do and then i go.. so what am i going to do ALL day.. and there is nothing.. God i HATE being bored or without a daily goal.

The book is currently lacking in interest, I have watched all the dvds, the telly got boring, and no one is online.. sigh.

Sorry for the mental dribble and terrible punctuation associated with this post. I would fix it up but i am not going to.

Thanks for reading

Bye Blog Land…

‘So maybe it gets quiet
And maybe it gets numb
At least then there’s still something
To share with someone’